“Times change, people change too.”

Fuuuu. Christmas is literally right around the corner and over the past year or two, it’s become just another day. I hate to admit that because it’s really sad. I don’t feel the happiness on Christmas the way I used to. This year is especially nerve wracking for some reason. I have so much on my mind, so much to say, so much more going on in my head, I don’t know what to do with it all. There are parts of me that are pretty awesome, but there are parts of me that I really hate. I hate the part of me that thinks so damn much, I hate the part of me that worries about everything, especially things that don’t need to be worried about nearly half as much. I want to change. Not everything, but some things. I don’t know what it’s going to take. But I suppose that’s what I want for Christmas, just a change.

Who would’ve guessed a few notes in a very strategic arrangement paired with thought out lyrics could evoke such emotion? I’m listening to the Nujabes tribute album, particularly Latitude, a retake on an older Nujabes song with the same title. Five Deez, the special guest on both tracks, revamped the lyrical layout of the song while keeping very similar rhyme schemes and patterns. The overall message changed from reminding people who Nujabes and Five Deez are to reminding people who Nujabes was, and will always be.

I hope I can make music this way someday.

I am pretty sure that everyone I used to know is really, for lack of a better term, fucking lame.

Maybe that makes me a hypocrite or fucking lame myself, but I’m starting to hate my past. And my present.

Thanks for being one of the few people who reached out to me. Thanks for being my bro, we’ve managed to knuckle up for safety despite all this time. That’s the kind of friendship I needed to start my recovery…

Your Existing Situation

“Creative and emotional, looking for ways to further expand those qualities. Looking for a partner who enjoys the same activities. Seeking adventure and new and unusual activities.”

Your Stress Sources

“Avoids pressure from others and insists on developing his individual independence. Wants to make up his own mind with resistance from others or outside forces, and needs the freedom to make his own decisions. Wants to be looked at as a wise individual whose opinions are respected, and has a hard time admitting he is wrong. Can be reluctant to accept or understand other people’s opinions or point of view.”

Your Restrained Characteristics

“Self-centered, tends to take this personally and is easily offended.”

“Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult.”

Giving more than he is getting back and feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Feels he is being forced into compromising and even his close relationships leave him feeling emotional distant.

Feels trapped in a helpless situation and is desperately seeking relief. He is able to find pleasure and happiness in sexual activity.

Current events have him feeling forced to make bargains and put aside his own desires for now. He is able to find satisfaction and happiness through sexual activity.

Your Desired Objective

Very active imagination and may be prone to fantasies and daydreaming. Always dreaming of interesting and exciting things to happen to him. Is a charmer and wants to be admired for that.

Your Actual Problem

“Feeling unimportant in this current situation, and is looking for different conditions where he will be able to better prove his worth and importance.”

Your Actual Problem #2

“Feeling held back and restricted from moving forward, looking for a solution that will give him more freedom and less obstacles.”

this is the most truth I’ve heard from anyone in a very very long time. I admit that I might need professional help.

Out of my 290+ friends on Facebook, I am glad to say I actually know upwards of 250.

Now out of the 250 I actually know, I think I am only really friends with less than 10. Which I am also glad to say. Because…fuck everyone.

Summer summer summertime.

Disneyland/DCA. Santa Barbara/Ventura County. San Diego. San Francisco. Little Tokyo. Hokkaido. Benihana. Niko Niko Sushi. JOB. Hiking. Beaches (Malibu, Venice, Huntington, Ventura, Santa Barbara, San Diego, Marina Del Rey, Manhattan, etc.). Camarillo. Cabazon. Mitsuwa. Marukai. Orochon. Pho 1-999. Melrose. Hollywood. Boiling Crab. Korean Barbeque/Kogi. Diddy Riese. Ventura Blvd. Old Town Pasadena. Museums. Topanga. Glendale/Americana. Late nights. Early mornings.

More to come.

Farmer’s Markets. The Grove. Theater Fridays, Sci-Fi/Stay Home Movie Saturdays. Poquito Mas. Habit Burger. Stonefire Grill. Griffith Park/Observatory. Culinary adventures. Hollywood Bowl concerts. Dance classes. Sunrises. Rooftop sunrises/star gazing. Go-kart racing. Paintballing. Laser tag. Inception. Sonics. Get Him to the Greek. “Zoo” party, at the zoo, dressed as animals. “Cbee and Ktee.” Toy Story 3. Despicable Me. Scott Pilgrim. Il Tram. Skate again. Design. Get Shaved. Boba addiction. Wingstop atomic wings.

Summer 2010 is drawing to an end considering I’ve been in school for two weeks already but dammit all if it wasn’t a whole lot of fun. I might have lost my friends, I might have injured myself a few times, I might have burnt my arm making churros and my fingers making popcorn, I might have sweated out an entire bottle of sweat, I might have drank a pool’s worth of various coffee, I might have spent a night on the beach watching a meteor shower, I might have spent well over $2000, but this might have been one of the best summers of my entire life. I’ll consider this one testament to human will.